Public Key (Lxvi)

The next thing I remember I was sitting down on the floor.

You alright? he asked, leaning over me.

I stared up at him.

Stupid question?

What do you- I started, and then stopped.

What do I know?

My head swam. Yeah, that one.

Well… you’re the guy.

I looked all around me, looking for an exit. I saw it. I looked at Oakley. I saw he’d let me run for it. I saw that, and so I didn’t.

Listen, he said. I’m sorry. But-

How long have you known?, I demanded.

Um.

Um?

About two months.

Um.

It’s none of my business. And you-

You’ve known I was a fugitive for two months.

Well… yeah.

I fell over onto my side.

Seriously, he said, are you doing okay?

Yeah. Just give me a minute.

He gave me a minute. I didn’t move.

It smelled like I’d gone to hippie heaven.

How are you feeling? he asked at length.

I think I feel relieved, I said.

Yeah?

That’s what I always pictured feeling, if I ever told someone. Relief. Big comforting relief.

You don’t look relieved.

No.

You look drunk.

Yeah. Yeah.

You want to go upstairs, lie down-

No. No, I want to go home.

Home?

I got to my feet, not without some trouble. Yes. Home. I want to go home. Sleep it off. If I can. Beat the shit out of myself for whatever. For getting found out, for…

Dude, I said, I just want to go home.

He opened his mouth to argue, but found he had no arguments to give. He shut his mouth, patted my back, and led me up the stairs and to the surface.

He walked me to his doorstep. Are you sure you’ll be alright?

I just looked at him.

I mean alright to get home.

Yeah. I’ll be fine.

Come see me tomorrow. Okay?

I looked him in the eyes.

What was I looking for. Trustworthiness? To see if he would betray me while I slept? To see if he would judge me for what I had done? To beg him to punish me for having been discovered?

All I saw was that I was tired. Tired, and wanted my bed.

Okay, I said. And started off for home.

 

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~ by davekov on 2 March 2011.

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