#tweetsfromthefuture

2081: Release of “MetroDollars,” a special currency that businesspeople can fight over in private #tweetsfromthefuture

2112: Masked vigilante hunts and kills everyone who observes that the year is a palindrome #tweetsfromthefuture

2038: Russian oligarch reveals he owns 100% of the national debt of Luxembourg, arm-wrestles the dukes for their title #tweetsfromthefuture

2142: Hungary last country in the world to be admitted to the EU #tweetsfromthefuture

2050: “Cure for the common cold” announced, most Americans still dumb enough to think this is how science works #tweetsfromthefuture

2043: Woody Allen leaves his wife for a 93-year-old, still violates the “half your age plus seven” rule #tweetsfromthefuture

2052: Joss Whedon dies. In honor of his memory, all television shows are cancelled mid-season. #tweetsfromthefuture

2168: Joan Rivers dies. #tweetsfromthefuture

2028: Paintings stolen from the Gardner recovered. Museum makes $300 million selling posters to undergrads. #tweetsfromthefuture

2043: Keanu Reeves wins Lifetime Achievement Oscar. #tweetsfromthefuture

2021: Breast cancer cured. Open war breaks out among nonprofits over who gets to own the color pink. #tweetsfromthefuture

2028: AIDS cured. Mass celebrations across sub-saharan Africa leave 18 million infected with drug-resistant TB #tweetsfromthefuture

2026: Hilary Clinton elected Mayor of York. British citizenship pending. #tweetsfromthefuture

2023: Congress passes the Kickstarter Tax, uses proceeds to get the special backer reward for Raytheon’s new ICBM #tweetsfromthefuture

2525: The sixth installment of A Song Of Ice And Fire is released. Most people who pre-ordered it are dead. #tweetsfromthefuture

2041: Number of World of Warcraft players surpasses number registered voters worldwide #tweetsfromthefuture

2085: Members of the Hampshire College Space Program realign Pluto’s orbit to make it a planet again #tweetsfromthefuture

2034: First person to land on Europa makes lightspeed-delayed blog post about how the moon landing was faked. #tweetsfromthefuture

2032: Facebook and MySpace merge, implement irreversible “new layout” entirely in Comic Sans #tweetsfromthefuture

2029: Gainax releases seventh reboot of Evangelion featuring sock puppets #tweetsfromthefuture

2028: Gainax releases its sixth reboot of Evangelion featuring no new scenes or characters #tweetsfromthefuture

2030: Wiliam Gibson becomes first person to live-tweet installation of digital cortical implant. Nobody cares. #tweetsfromthefuture

2027: Page and Brin become first men to have his&his digital brain implants. Steve Ballmer calls them “kinda gay.” #tweetsfromthefuture

2040: Adult Swim runs a marathon of The Phantom 2040. #tweetsfromthefuture

2017: Ted Turner launches new cable network just in time for him to realize that nobody watches TV. #tweetsfromthefuture

2044: Saudi Arabia runs out of oil. Roving bands of unemployed econ phds lay waste the countryside in search of tenure. #tweetsfromthefuture

2016: At the swearing in of President Warren, Michele Bachmann shouts “Sic Semper Tyrannus!” and shoots herself. #tweetsfromthefuture

2031: Cars now have autopilot in all cities with a regular grid. Boston becomes pedestrian-only north of the Pru. #tweetsfromthefuture

2020: People realize that “Apps” are just “programs,” stop paying for them. #tweetsfromthefuture

2026: Sir Thom Yorke, KCVO, renounces UK citizenship, moves to Sealand, sings only to the waves #tweetsfromthefuture

2047: Marnie Stern appears at Kennedy Center Honors, plays acoustic version of “Transformer” that lasts 11 minutes. #tweetsfromthefuture

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~ by davekov on 15 May 2013.

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